It might surprise you to learn, that I am a believer and student of both astrology and tarot. I believe there is more to life than most of us realise and studying alternative modalities is something that I enjoy doing. I used to hide this side of me from others, but now I am comfortable in embracing and sharing it.
My natal sun sign is Capricorn, ruled by the planet of Saturn, the lord of Karma, wisdom and limitation.
‘Capricorns are typically hard working, sure-footed individuals and possess a great inner drive. They believe that hard work pays off in the long run and are known to climb the ladder. Capricorns prefer to lead than follow. Education, prestige and career are very important to Capricorns. They tend to shoulder a great level of responsibility whether it be personally, at the workplace or with family and friends. Known to be old souls, Capricorns tend to respect their elders and tend to relax with age, often experiencing hard times in their childhood.
Being ruled by Saturn, the first Saturn return for a Capricorn can create change in their life. They often gain new insight and confidence as they reach the age of 30. Capricorns are reserved and tend to emotionally distance themselves from others. When depressed the outdoors can help provide joy. They require partners who are sensitive and help them overcome their shyness. Love is important to the Capricorn. Capricorns are often attracted to relationships involving an appreciable age difference between their partners.’
On the exterior I am an extrovert and fiery (Aries rising), but deep down my life lesson to date has been about discovering my own self-worth and self-love and although I grew up in a very happy family, at the age of four, I experienced some trauma.
Whether my issues of self love can be attributed to my sun-sign, or because of what happened to me as a child, I cannot comment. I can however comment about the impact my Saturn Return had on my life. In 2016, I was 29. I was married and miserable.
Deciding to leave my marriage was the hardest thing I had ever done, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and desire financial stability. I also don’t believe in deserting others and often as a result, I am the pacifier and support person that people come to during times of struggle.
However, staying in that marriage was destroying my soul and I was suffocating. In 2017, I decided to finally leave and I left my marriage, fourteen days after my 30th birthday.
The loss that resulted from that decision was tremendous
I lost my home, my business, my friends and my financial stability. Then 10 months later, I broke numerous bones when I was hit by a car while cycling. I was devastated, being outdoors was the one thing that could make me feel better even at my lowest. But despite that loss and the immense depression and confusion I felt, I also knew I could rebuild and climb the ladder again. I would not forget everything that I went through but rather learn from it and move forward.
And that’s exactly what I did
The same week I left my husband, I landed a new role at another university. Within six months I went from a sessional teacher to Program Manager and despite being hit by the car two months into that new role, I returned to work one week later after the accident, learning to type with one hand and standing to protect my broken ribs. My Capricorn desire to work was far greater than the physical pain I felt. Another promotion was gained in 2018 and in 2019 I received a further promotion. In February 2020, I was made an Associate Dean.
The years between 2017 and 2019 were the hardest years of my life
When not at work, I spent most of it, trying to relearn how I felt about myself. I was very hard on myself, and I spent a lot of time crying and re-affirming my worth, as I couldn’t understand how life ended up how it did and I felt like all the hard work I had done was for nothing. That being said there was still a part of me that knew I would succeed no matter what obstacle came my way.
Interestingly enough, the trauma from the accident helped heal the memories from my childhood.
As a result, I went on a healing journey
I started to connect the dots as to why I often felt emotionally distant to others. I learned that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness and I started to soften in the way I shared and interacted with others.
I do respect my elders and I often prefer to spend time with those who are older than me. My favourite era of music is the 60s and I often comment that I was born in the wrong era! I believe high quality education is a fundamental right for all.
I have found that as a result of my Saturn return and the dramatic changes that I went through.
I have learned to let go
At the age of 33, I am learning to relax. I was never known to have particularly silly moments or moments where I would laugh non-stop, but I am increasingly finding time to do that. Do I still want to be a CEO? Of course! If the opportunity came up, I’d be the first one with my resume and cover letter ready to go. But I no longer know it needs to happen right now.
I have learned to be more emotionally open
Thanks to my wonderful partner,who I affectionately call OG. He is older than me. I always thought deep down I would end up with someone older than me, because of my views and values and it appears it is a common Capricorn trait. That being said, OG is much more of a young soul than I am, so we tend to naturally balance each other out. He treats me in ways I never realised I deserved and as a result I have learned that if someone like him can love me so deeply then I am worthy of self-love too.
As time has gone on
I fundamentally believe I had to experience all that I experienced in all order to become the person I am now. I can honestly say that I love myself and I am worthy and deserving of all that I desire.
The explanation of the key Capricorn characteristics, has given me a great sense of satisfaction and pride. I feel like I understand myself better. I would say at times my impatience, as a result of being an Aries rising has shadowed some of my Capricorn ways, but I have definitely learned to balance this out. I strongly believe that being a Capricorn helped me through these dark times.
I can now enjoy the lighter times in my life.
I finally have what I always craved, a deep love, respect and financial security. I know that when the time comes and I am a mother, I will be the most loyal and responsible parent, a proud Capricorn and protector of her family.
What star sign are you? What are you most proud about yourself? I’d love to know.
Love and light,