Although I didn’t know it at the time, 2017 was the year I needed to have. It allowed me to develop an #ironwill that I didn’t know I had within me.
It was in some ways the worst year of my life and in other ways the best year of my life.
Curious? Read on to find out why.
Before I begin! This is NOT a pity post. It is a post to share how I’ve felt in the past and how letting go of fear and changing my mindset, changed my life.
For a long time I was able to cover up how I felt
I was successful and good at it. I had seen many parts of the world. I had a house, I was married and I combined teaching with running a digital marketing agency. On the surface I was kicking ass. I kept pushing the feelings of inadequacy and self loathing deeper and deeper until I felt like I was going to explode. I tried to be the best wife I could. After all, that’s what one did, you dated for a while, you bought a house and then you got married.
But after eight years together and two years married, things just didn’t feel right. Leaving in January 2017 was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I walked away from my old life and it was tough
I underestimated the range of emotions I felt. Managing his emotions, my emotions and the shock from friends and family was hard. Thankfully, I had the support of old and new friends who helped me through this period. Without them, it would have been much harder.
Everything was on the improve, until October 2017 when I was hit by a car while cycling, that was so hard for me. I was no longer able to play basketball. I could no longer do the things I loved to do and had to find new loves. It was horrendous and I spent many hours wondering how I ended up here.
But from the dark came some light
I knew I had to do something. I was becoming really angry at the world, so I started meditating. Meditation at times, can make you feel more broken than you did before you started, but I knew I had to get those negative thoughts, hurtful feelings and self-limiting beliefs to the surface that I had long buried deep inside. Meditation has helped me a lot. I threw myself into positive affirmations, sound bath healings, floats, yoga, you name it, I tried it.
My aha! moment
Through all the reading I did, the videos I watched and the classes I attended, I began to realise there is no such thing as normal.
What might be normal for you, might be strange for me and vice versa. As long as it isn’t illegal and that you don’t go out of your way hurting others, you should never feel like there is something wrong with you. It has taken me many years to realise this. It is something I constantly have to remind myself about, but it is truth.
I never expected my life would turn out like this, but I’m glad it did. Why? Because I am now living a life where I can be my true and authentic self.
Well baby, I’m just getting started! I can tell you that despite all the loss described above, I gained more than I lost. Since 2017, my career has skyrocketed, I experienced exponential financial growth, I kept my freelance thriving and I found a love that is one in a kind.
Love and light,